No more meekly saying ‘YES’
When my heart is screaming ‘NO!!!’
No more taming of my feelings
So my power won’t show
No more hiding my exuberance
From disapproving eyes
No more watering down myself
So my spirit won’t rise
When I walk down the road and people look at me , when I stride I am the centre of their attention , when I pass by by they talk. All of these may bother you , but they empower me. It reminds me who I am , what I am. A woman, blessed with the most powerful weapon beauty. Why should I hide it when I have something that others don’t? Why should I feel bad when people want me for it. There was a time when others protected me and kept me away from such flattery but that was long away.
You want to know whats beneath that red dress don’t you? Already making imaginations of your own fantasy and pleasing, well you should , cause if you don’t it’s a shame on me. Some thought I was shy and scared and always dictated what was to be done , what to do and what not do never bothering to understand what I wanted.
How would you feel being held back from everything you wanted to do, just because a few feared others would start wanting me for this ( pointing to her face) and not for what I am or what I do ? did they not believe that I had the strength to be what I wanted to? How long will I be discouraged. Lied too.
I tried giving everything to my family but they did not once bother for me. Only a sweet smile of refusal. My friends, I did everything for them , but once I was left behind they forgot me. ME. . .THEY FORGOT ME.
They taught me being a girl , I should be scared , but am not. Why wont people lust for me? They should, cause I am a woman, the center of each mans desire.
I want a red dress. Yes. I want it flimsy and cheap, I want it too tight , sleeveless and backless, this dress , so no one has to guess what’s underneath. I want to walk down the street past thrifty’s and the hardware store, past Mr and Mrs Wong. I want to walk like I’m the only woman on earth. I want that red dress bad. I want it to confirm your worst fears about me, to show you how little I care about you or anything except what I want. When I find it , I’ll pull that garment from its hanger like I’m choosing a body to carry me into this world and I’ll wear it like bones , like skin and it’ll be the goddamned dress they bury me in. Yes, I want a red dress, too tight , flimsy and cheap.
Diaries Of A Crazy 